Just when I think it’s become a silly joke between us and we’re destined to carry on with funny Facebook chats and the occasional text, it happens again. I hadn’t seen Stubble since the last time I mentioned him, we’d talked here and there but obviously he was a little preoccupied with his actual relationship and the new job that he started not long after we had our last tryst. Our conversations were usually brief, always silly and never seemed to leave either of us wanting more. Sneakers and I were in a great place and he held me together through a lot, our friendship was rock solid and I promised myself I wasn’t doing the randoms thing, nothing but boyfriend material aside from Sneakers.
So when a random message turned into a spur of the moment plan to spend several hours together with Stubble, I wasn’t sure where the night was headed. I went straight to his place after work and it only took a minute before our natural ease with another took over right where it left off. Several beers later I was pulling him on top of me and we learning each other’s bodies all over again, right there in his living room, in full light, we fucked and cuddled naked, before we fucked again this time against the windows, afterwards he told me how cute the freckles on my back were. We drank another beer and then departed.
Together we took the subway back into Manhattan, giggling while I massaged his hands most of the ride and held his hand while I still could. I think it startled him how naturally it all came for us. We stopped at Shake Shack and shared my fries and his beer before getting a custard (he wanted Salted Caramel, I wanted Peanut Butter, we went to order and the flavor of the day was Salted Chocolate Peanut Butter) to go and eating it arm in arm while we walked to the bar. We watched his co-worker’s band and I rested my hand on his thigh under the bar. We left to go meet my college friends.
Bless his heart, he dealt with my drunk college friends, including my ex-boyfriend, like a dream and gamely went along until I made the decision to leave. Five minutes later we were at my apartment, dealing with a whole new set of drunken friends, and the first chance I got I pulled him into my room promising a back rub. 15 minutes later, I was kissing his shoulders when he rolled over with a smile on declaring round three for the evening and 20 minutes later round four was on the books.
Waking up this morning covered in stubble burn, bruises and bite marks, I could only smile to myself. My entire body aches with the memory of last night and pleasant memories dance through my brain. But that’s where the story ends. Stubble is the first to acknowledge that we offer each other something, we provide a certain fix to one another, it’s like a drug we can’t stay away from, but it’s not enough, he’s comfortable things are easy, we as humans never want to make the hard choice. I can’t say I don’t get it, but god things could be so good.
…call your girlfriend, it’s time you had the talk.
It’s quite obviously winter these days, but I can’t seem to shake Summer Fling. It’s harder to go cold turkey with him than everyone else because he’s my protector in a way. When things go horribly wrong, more often then not I end up sitting on the edge of his bed, crying and sniffling until my tears are all dried up, not that shocking when you consider I spent as many nights at his house this summer as I did at my own. So what’s the problem with all of this? He seems like a good guy, right? There is only one glaring problem, the girlfriend.
First of all, before you judge, I never wanted to be the side chick. Summer Fling and I date back to pre-girlfriend times. The problem is… I guess we’re just not quite relationship material. There is an incredible closeness both emotionally and physically between us, to the point that others have picked up on it, but we’re not now, nor were we ever, going to date. So at some point between us hooking up and me drunkly showing up to a party in his building at 2am several weeks later, he started dating her. So when 2am became 6am and I was still drunk and all but asleep in his bed, everyone else went to sleep and he and I had playtime.
It wasn’t supposed to become a regular thing, neither of us intended it to be, but when I became close with his roommates and began to spend more and more time at his apartment, it just sort of happened. And life just continued to roll along, the world didn’t end and I wasn’t wearing a scarlet letter to work. In the same manner it just kind of dwindled off. I met Long Island and fall came and things were different. He always still hugged me a little too long and let his lips linger on my cheek, but there was no more staying over. In my mind, things were wrapped up, everybody move along.
Except neither one of us can seem to say no. So when I go over and he puts on a movie I just have to see and that movie ends and another one is started and a space is made for me to cuddle into him and then the second movie ends and soon it is playtime and oh man do we play. Sensational amounts of teasing and wandering lips and hands and breaks just to catch our breath. It’s almost as if no one else exists but us, and he is melting under me and I’m melting into him. Then it’s 6am and I’m sleeping over and we’re back to back in bed and I can feel him breathing and I’m still the side chick and I’m probably okay with that.
EDIT: 12 Hours Later on my Facebook News Feed - “Summer Fling went from being In A Relationship to Single.” [FACEPALM]