When the Bouncer of our neighborhood dive bar, started chatting me up a couple weeks ago, it wasn’t that weird. I know he is a friend of my Baby Bro since they’re both fixed gear riders, and I’ve certainly been to the bar enough times both with BB and other friends. The Bouncer is also not your typical bouncer, nor is he your typical fixie boy, but rather something in between. His tightly knotted dreads are usually pulled back and his weathered face is covered by a layer of stubble more often than not, plus there is just the slightest bit of mischief behind his smile. So when it was past 3am and the Bouncer and I were making out in the men’s room of the bar and then he came back to my place, I wasn’t exactly expecting for him to momentarily put the brakes on in order to “be honest” with me.
I must be some kind of magnet for cheaters. I repeatedly attract guys with girlfriends, oftentimes I’m not even pursuing them, and I never know they have a girlfriend initially. So SURPRISE! The Bouncer has a girlfriend. Ok whatever, moving on, his belt was already undone, he was in my bed, what am I going to say? I naively assumed that as has been the case in this sadly repeated story, the girlfriend was probably someone he wasn’t that serious about, and would probably break up with sooner rather than later, not for me, just because the relationship had run its course or else he wouldn’t be cheating.
Cut to a few weeks and an afternoon of boredom later, let the Facebook stalking of newish people in my life commence. What a terrible idea. First I come across the girlfriend, she is adorable, a manicurist, but in the cutest most indie way. Next I come across the pictures, then the anniversary 2009… wait… what…. 2009? They’ve been together for three fucking years?! Holy shit. What kind of dude cheats on a girlfriend of three years so impulsively? Like I’m just some cute light eyed girl in a bar that you happen to know from around the neighborhood, who you have a very similarly adorable girlfriend too. Damn after three years, if you’re gonna cheat then just break up. I feel so horrible for this girl. I pray I never run into her at the bar, let alone have to look her in the eye because sweetie you deserve better. I deserve better. That schmuck needs to grow the fuck up.