The Diary of a 20-Something

The ramblings and internal monologue of a confused 20-something, living and dating in the city that never sleeps.

I’m just a girl who can’t say no…

It’s quite obviously winter these days, but I can’t seem to shake Summer Fling. It’s harder to go cold turkey with him than everyone else because he’s my protector in a way. When things go horribly wrong, more often then not I end up sitting on the edge of his bed, crying and sniffling until my tears are all dried up, not that shocking when you consider I spent as many nights at his house this summer as I did at my own. So what’s the problem with all of this? He seems like a good guy, right? There is only one glaring problem, the girlfriend.

First of all, before you judge, I never wanted to be the side chick. Summer Fling and I date back to pre-girlfriend times. The problem is… I guess we’re just not quite relationship material. There is an incredible closeness both emotionally and physically between us, to the point that others have picked up on it, but we’re not now, nor were we ever, going to date. So at some point between us hooking up and me drunkly showing up to a party in his building at 2am several weeks later, he started dating her. So when 2am became 6am and I was still drunk and all but asleep in his bed, everyone else went to sleep and he and I had playtime. 

It wasn’t supposed to become a regular thing, neither of us intended it to be, but when I became close with his roommates and began to spend more and more time at his apartment, it just sort of happened. And life just continued to roll along, the world didn’t end and I wasn’t wearing a scarlet letter to work. In the same manner it just kind of dwindled off. I met Long Island and fall came and things were different. He always still hugged me a little too long and let his lips linger on my cheek, but there was no more staying over. In my mind, things were wrapped up, everybody move along.

Except neither one of us can seem to say no. So when I go over and he puts on a movie I just have to see and that movie ends and another one is started and a space is made for me to cuddle into him and then the second movie ends and soon it is playtime and oh man do we play. Sensational amounts of teasing and wandering lips and hands and breaks just to catch our breath. It’s almost as if no one else exists but us, and he is melting under me and I’m melting into him. Then it’s 6am and I’m sleeping over and we’re back to back in bed and I can feel him breathing and I’m still the side chick and I’m probably okay with that.

EDIT: 12 Hours Later on my Facebook News Feed - “Summer Fling went from being In A Relationship to Single.” [FACEPALM]

  1. diaryofa20something posted this